


On Wings of Night We Fly

by Itch



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Dean, Angel Sam, Canon Typical Violence, Hunter Castiel, Hunter Gabriel, M/M, Mourning, Pining, Temporary Character Death, praying, reverse!verse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:46:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5862199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itch/pseuds/Itch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel and Castiel are the Novak brothers, hunters who travel to save people, killing the supernatural creatures that plague towns, cities and even the tiniest of hamlets. Gabriel, the older of the two, is a man of secrets and guilt that runs so far deep he swears if you cut him open he'd bleed words rather than blood. He also never believed in God nor it's angels, and with his life, no one ever blamed him. When he finds a church set off the beaten path (well, not technically) he finds something in there that makes him feel like something has shifted and set him right. He takes up prayer, but never to a God. To an angel. To Sam, the angel of the Selfless and Brave in particular. As a Hunter, he should have expected angels to be real. He just never expected his angel to be. Despite his vehement protests to it all, Sam has to admit... Gabriel Novak is one particularly special human. One he never expected to see in his church, one he never expected to hear the voice of, and the one he never expected to meet. A tale of finding yourself, finding peace, and finding out where your true loyalty lies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Church of Angel Sam

**Author's Note:**

> ...yeah I really wanted angel!Sam.

  The room was dark. Gabriel rolled over on the hard mattress, pulling the threadbare cover up and over himself more as he did, the springs creaking under his weight. He hadn’t slept on a good bed in months, every motel he and Cas stayed in was cheap and quick, one night then moving on.

  They were chasing a vampire pack, a pack that likes to move around and snag a victim from each town they went through. They’d been tracking them ever since the first three victims, though it had taken them an embarrassingly long time to work out that they were tracking a moving pack. It just didn’t happen very often, that was all. Nothing about Gabriel being so sleep deprived he’d fallen asleep in the shower a few times. 

  He rolled over again and groaned, kicking the covers off and sitting up. He hated not being able to sleep. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t sleep. He was _tired._ He was so tired his head felt like it was full of fog and he was slowing down, but he was also tired enough everything moved in fast motion. It was dangerous, it was unhealthy, and it would but him and his brother in so much danger if he didn’t get some decent sleep before they caught up with the vampires. He reached over, turning on the lamp on the bedside table and squinting into the yellow glow. He stood up, feet quiet on the carpeted floor as he stepped into his boots, tying the laces roughly, snatching up his hoodie from the rack by the door. Checking the card key was in the pocket, he slipped out the room. 

  He walked down a dark road with no street lamps on, the wind ruffling his hair as he did. He needed to clear his head, there was no way he could sleep with his mind like this. Something about the dark and the cold made it easier to think he found. He needed to think, he needed to get his head straight, then he needed a few hours of sleep. Convince Castiel to drive tomorrow and he could sleep in the back of the car.

  He found himself a bench and sat on it, hands still in the pockets of the hoodie as he looked out at the world in front of him, a flickering lamp post barely lighting the rest of the street. He liked the night time, the tranquility of it. Daytime was better, the revelry and the fun, the amount of things to do, and the fact it was easier to hunt, but night? There was something about the night that made Gabriel feel like he could breathe easy. 

  As he looked at the lamp post desperately trying to stay on, he noticed a small path behind it through the grass it was lighting up. He pulled an LED torch from his pocket, clicking it on. Definitely a path there. Well, he was just sat here doing nothing… why not? He stood again, using the torch to guide the way down the dirt and gravel path, each step crunching, some with the movement of the tiny stones and the others with the frost under his boots. The further he went the more and more concerned he grew about what he was going to find at the other end of the path.

 

  The night seemed to grow darker around him, the blackness heavy on his chest as he lifted the torch off the ground and ahead, eyes adjusting to the shade when he saw what lay at the paths end. 

  A small church shrouded in darkness, coils of ivy weaving themselves across the shale roof, into the drain and then back out, hanging like vines down the side. The front two windows were cracked, one across corner to corner and another like a spider's web, like someone had hit it with the palm of their hand. As he stepped forward a little more he saw a sign and he moved to it, pulling the ivy off it, shining his torch over the faded black letters.

* 

_The Church of the Angel Sam, the Selfless and Brave. Enter here and leave thy troubles, let the love of our beloved Angel rain down upon ye. His Glory and Halo shall guide thee through times of hardship and trouble, if thou shalt kneel for him._

_*_

 

  Gabriel rubbed a thumb through the grime to check it really did say ‘Angel Sam’. Angel Sam? He’d never heard of him, not even with every extensive Bible reading he’d ever done. The sign was very wordy though and he let the ivy fall back to cover it over. _Leave your troubles and let the love rain down._ Gabriel could do with a little less trouble at the moment.

  He approached the church cautiously despite the fact he knew there wasn’t a threat of anything in there, pressing the palm of his hand to the wooden door that felt like solid ice. He winced, recoiling instantly before placing his hand back and pushing it open. He might not exactly be a believer, but he was polite enough to know you don’t shoulder open the door to a church. The hinges weren’t as creaky as he expected them to be, the door opening easily once he applied pressure and he stepped inside, jaw dropping at the sight.

  
  Above the altar was a stained glass window depicting a man on his knees in front of a man with wings, an angel. But instead of having white or gold wings like he might have expected an angel to have, the wings of the angel were a deep navy, matching that of the sky outside. The only way Gabriel could see the colour was due to the moonlight shining through the window, the full moon situated right where the angel’s halo should be. He marvelled at the wonder of coincidences before he breathed a laugh, the sound turning to white smoke in the chill. He sat down on a back pew where he still had a perfect view of the window, looking at it a little while longer, thumb pressing on the torch button, turning it off.

 

  Being plunged into darkness in an abandoned building was usually not something Gabriel did willingly, but in this case it was. He didn’t need the light to be on with the moon that bright coming through the window. He tucked the torch away again before standing and heading closer to the window. He couldn’t help it, he needed to see the angel closer up, see if the window had any form of facial features on it. His boots echoed as he walked up the aisle, standing in front of the altar. No features on the angel’s face. Just a simple pair of eyes and a serene smile.

  He rested a hand on the altar, jumping when it wasn’t smooth stone. He’d rested his hand on a rosary, faded, each wooden bead scored with tiny half moons like someone had dug their nails into them. He picked it up, the beads unnervingly loud, resting the cross at the end in the palm of his other hand. Crudely scratched into the back of it were the words _Angel Sam Save Us All._ Well that wasn’t ominous in the slightest was it. Even with the message on it though, something within Gabriel seemed to click into place once he clutched the rosary in his palm, as if he’d been waiting all his life to find this tiny church, with it’s lonesome rosary and coincidental moon-halo’d angel. 

Gabriel Novak had never been a believer. Not ever in his 27 years of life. At that moment though, in a lonely hidden away church, was the closest he’d ever come. He saw in a front pew, turning the rosary beads in his hands. Castiel had been a believer since he was young, telling Gabriel how they’d been named after angels and the likes. Even with that in mind, he didn’t want to pray to the Lord’s Messenger, nor the Angel of Thursday. 

He was going to pray to the Angel of the Selfless and Brave. 

Closing his eyes, hands wrapped in the loose elastic, he prayed for what was probably the first time in his life.

 

*

_I pray to thee, Angel Sam of the Selfless and the Brave._

_Sup?_

_No that’s not how you pray._

_Sorry I’ve never really done this before, sorry I’m not too sure on how to get it right. But y’know, trying and failing is better than not trying at all right?_

_I don’t even know how I got here, I just followed pavements and a path and found here, and it seemed… there was something about this place that drew me in, and if I could explain it to you then I think I would do, but the truth is I don’t know._

_I’m glad I did though._

_Again, if I could explain why, I would. But I can’t. I mean, sure I’m praying to you but what’s to say you’re listening? I’m a Hunter okay, and I’ve seen more than my fair share of wacky and downright impossible, so it shouldn’t be too much of a stretch for me to believe in angels should it really._

_So why is it?_

_Sorry, I shouldn't be asking you all these philosophical questions. But it said something outside about troubles, and I wondered if you could help me with something. See. I haven’t been able to sleep. Like, at all. And it’s getting to the point where it’s downright dangerous for me to be hunting on the amount of sleep I actually do get._

_Just… wondering if there’s any way you can help me fall asleep._

_If not, that’s fine y’know. I’m only a hunter who can’t sleep after all, I bet there’s hundreds of us out there. Only God knows how I can sleep after seeing some of the shit I have._

_Was that blasphemy?_

_Oops._

_Uh. I should probably head back to Castiel - my little brother, now._

_Thanks for listening Sam._

 *

 

Gabriel pocketed the rosary as he left the church behind.

 


	2. Back On the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day Gabriel and Castiel start off on the drive again. Cas finds out some information that makes Gabriel a little nervous, but nothing a good sing-a-long can't fix.

Gabriel got back to the motel room quickly, hoping Castiel wouldn’t have woken up by the time he got back. He hadn’t, meaning Gabriel could slip back into the room and get back into now cold bed without risking an awkward conversation with his brother about where the fuck he’s been. As he lay in bed he looked over at his hoodie where he knew the rosary was stashed. He stared at it for a moment before rolling over, settling down, hand underneath his pillow. Who was he kidding.

He woke up in the morning. That in itself was an achievement, it meant he'd actually fallen asleep. But he also woke up feeling refreshed, like he wasn't going to need the seven cups of coffee he had planned. As he sat up, stretching, a little moan leaving him as his shoulder popped, he couldn't help but wonder.

_ Thanks. _

Cas was already up, changed into his normal clothes - if you could call that trench coat _normal_. Gabriel had, in the past, offered to buy him a black one, even a grey one, but no. Castiel  _insisted_ on the tan.

 “Morning Gabriel.” He lifted the kettle, shaking it slightly and Gabriel considered it for a second before he nodded. Whether he needed it or not, he  _ liked  _ coffee. Castiel nodded back, adding the three sugars into the cup, rolling his eyes as he did. He’d never understood Gabriel’s obsession with sugar, but he didn’t force it onto Castiel, so Cas couldn’t find it in him to complain, so long as Gabriel didn’t force  _ him  _ to have any of it. Taking the cup, Gabriel ruffled Cas’ hair despite the fact his brother was taller than him.

 “G’mornin’ to you too Cassie… and it certainly is a good one.” He took a long drink of the coffee in hand, gaze being drawn over to where his hoodie was innocently hanging, his little secret stashed in the pocket. Cas… didn’t need to know. Having a secret was fine. Everyone had secrets in their lives, god knows Gabriel has how many others. So he could have this one. His attention was snapped back to Cas as the younger smacked him on the bicep with a spoon. 

 “You okay there Gabriel?” Cas’ blue eyes seemed worried and Gabriel rolled his eyes at him, tipping away the dregs of the coffee into the sink, placing the the cup rim down. “You don’t seem… you seem to have a lot on your mind.” Gabriel barked a laugh, half skipping over to grab his hoodie and push his arm into one of the sleeves, looking back at Cas when he didn’t respond. 

 “You’re serious?” He finished putting the hoodie on, fumbling with the zip as he didn’t look at it, focusing instead on his brother. “Cas, I’m  _ fine.  _ I just slept well for the first time in fuck knows.” Under the steely gaze of Castiel he threw his hands in the air before throwing him the car keys underarm. “C’mon, let’s just… let’s just go alright?” Cas caught the keys, turning them over in his hand. 

 “You’d tell me wouldn’t you.” Gabriel paused, hand on the doorknob. 

 “Tell you what Cassie?” In truth, there weren’t many things he’d tell Castiel. Was he about to tell his baby brother about the nightmare she had, plagued by screaming, fire and death? Not really.  _ Please specify something Castiel, but please don’t make me explicitly lie to you. _ That was one of the things he’d sworn he’d never do. Never  _ explicitly  _ lie to Cas. Find a loophole in what he said and utilise it? Sure, yeah, that was fine. 

 “If something was bothering you.” The door knob felt like it dropped in temperature by a few degrees despite the fact it couldn’t have done, because Gabriel’s grip on it was vice like. That was a question he wasn’t sure if he could find a loophole in, but a question he definitely couldn’t answer honestly. He swallowed before dropping his head down with a laugh, hair obscuring his face. 

 “Course I would Cas, you’re my brother. I tell you everything.”

*

Gabriel  _ loved  _ driving. Well rested, he didn’t need to convince Castiel to drive, meaning he could sit behind the wheel with his window down just enough to blow through his hair, sweeping it back. He patted the heels of his hands on the wheel as he waited for Cas to come out the gas station with snacks and bottles of water, the Kiss song blaring through the speakers. He leant back in his seat, a small smile on his face as he realised he had a good three hour drive in front of him when he saw it. A little path on the other side of the road, leading off into the distance. He needed to squint a little, but when he did he could see it. See a tiny little church at the end of the path.

_ There are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights! _

_ These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights! _

Gabriel stared at his stereo as if it'd offended him and turned the volume down, seeing Castile coming back with a few bags full of supplies. He leant over to open the door for him and Cas dumped the bags in the foot well before getting in himself, pulling out a bottle of water.

 “Have you heard about the legends here?” Cas answered once he’d swallowed his mouthful and Gabriel turned the volume down a little more, an indication he was listening. “Something about the little church over there and sightings of a ghost around it at nights.” 

 “The ghost killin’ people?” Gabriel flipped the stereo off as he pulled out the garage, not wanting to keep the space clogged up, driving slowly towards the exit of the town in case Cas changed his mind and wanted to stay for another few nights to salt and burn the ghost. 

 “From what she said? No. Those who have sighted it say it… just looks like a forlorn man. Lonely, if anything.” Gabriel had to fight himself not to slam on the brakes there and then. A ghost that wasn’t hurting people, but just seemed like a huge fucking coincidence there was a church to an angel who helped Gabriel--

 

No. He didn’t know the angel helped him. Angels might not even exist. There was no reason they  _ couldn’t  _ but in his experience… in his experience, only the bad things lived and existed. There was no the good, the bad and the ugly, it was just the bad and the ugly.

And he knew which one of those _he_ was.

 

Grip tightening on the steering wheel he stopped at a red light, rubbing at the light stubble on his jaw.  “So what, we stayin’ here another night? Or should we keep after the fangs?”  _ Please say the vampires. _

 “Vampires. They’re actually hurting people at the moment. Make a note of the town name though. The ghost might go bad and we have to come back and stop it.” Gabriel nodded with a hum of agreement, that was a good plan. Meant he didn’t need to go back to the church soon, if even at all. As they drove out of town he couldn’t help but glance in the rearview mirror at the mysterious town with the little ivy covered church that seemed to hold more than a few secrets.

*

As they pulled out of another gas station three hours into the drive Castiel insisted on taking over the driving, sticking Gabriel in the passenger seat. He might have preferred driving, but riding shotgun meant he didn’t need to think as hard. It also meant he could sing along to the radio at a louder volume, something Castiel pretended to hate, but honestly he loved it. There was something about the way Gabriel’s eyes lit up as he sang that made the occasional bum note bearable.

 “With the lights out, it’s less dangerous, here we are, entertain us!” Gabriel sung along with a bright smile on his face, nudging Cas with his arm who just shook his head at him, shoving him away. 

 “I’m  _ driving  _ Gabriel, stop-”

 “I feels stupid, and contagious… c’mon Cassie, I know you know the words.” Gabriel goaded, Cas sighing as he joined in, quieter and nowhere near as in tune “Here we are now, entertain us.” Gabriel’s smile got wider as Cas joined in and he drummed his hands on the dashboard, hair falling into his face as he did.

Times like this were the brothers’ favourites. Driving to a hunt without a care in the world. They weren’t being chased, they didn’t have anyone expecting them at the other end, the road was clear and the sun was shining. Neither could help the joyful laugh that left them as Cas let go of his inhibitions that little bit more, foot pressing down on the pedal, driving them faster down the empty stretch of road. Gabriel wound his window down a little more, wind whipping around his face, catching on the whoop he let out and carrying it away. He let himself forget, just for a little while, about life. In that moment, Gabriel was pretty damn peaceful.

*

His peace, like everything else, didn’t last. He tossed in the motel bed that night, a nightmare latching onto his consciousness. (( _ Run! Dammit, run, run as far as you can, take him and run _ )) He kicked out at something that wasn’t there (( _ I can’t hold them off much longer but you need to go, you need to go now _ )) in a futile effort to save himself (( _ No I can’t come with you I can’t please Cas please get Alfie and run _ )) from the horror he knew was coming. The horror branded into his subconscious. (( _ Alfie? Alfie no what are you doing, stop, brother no please don’t-- _ ))

He sat up, bolt upright, drenched in cold sweat, left shoulder aching as it would have done if the nightmare had been the present time. He swung his legs out the bed, grabbing his hoodie and leaving, not even thinking about it. The night air made him feel colder and he wiped the sweat from his brow before spinning, kicking a crumpled beer can across the dark parking lot.

Fuck nightmares.

He left the parking lot, walking down a street with no aim, no direction. After a while, walking wasn’t enough and he began to jog, each step loud in the silence but there was no one to listen in and therefore no one to care. Even jogging become unsatisfying and he broke into a full on sprint, thighs and calves burning, lungs begging him to stop. After ten minutes of break neck speed he stopped, leaning on a wall to catch his breath. He breathed deeply, eyes closed, finding some relief, some distraction, the physical ache taking away from the wound that was his own goddamn psyche. As he reached into his pocket to check he hadn’t dropped the key card, his fingers brushed over the rosary he’d picked up yesterday. He pulled it up, looking it under the yellow-white light of the lamp post. It seemed to be made of cherry wood, the handsome dark red of the beads and cross a warm colour against the flushed pink of Gabriel’s palm. He closed his fist around it, taking in another deep breath of the cold night air.

 

* 

_ I pray to thee, Angel Sam of the Selfless and Brave _

_ Uh, hi, it’s Gabriel again _

_ At least I didn’t say ‘sup’ again right? _

_ I gotta work a better goddamn - pardon my language - way of saying hello to you, I can’t keep being all super casual with you like we’re best friends _

_ For all I know you don’t even exist _

_ Not to say you don’t of course but… in my experience? The good things in life… they’re not real. _

_ Anyway, I didn’t holler at you to be all downer and shit, you probably get enough of that from all the other people who pray to you. _

_ I… I wanna say thank you. _

_ I’m guessing you had something to do with the fact I slept last night, and it’s appreciated more than you could even know. Meant I was awake enough to drive for a long time, and then still awake enough to have a sing-a-long with Cas later. _

_ Cas is my brother by the way _

_ Good kid _

_ Way better brother than I deserve _

_ I just. _

_ Yeah. _

_ Thanks Sam. _

_ And if it’s not too much hassle… is there any way you can do it again tonight? Maybe just… keep the nightmares at bay. _

_ Please. _

_ Thanks. For uh. Listening and shit. _

Gabriel started the walk home, taking him a lot longer to get back there than it had taken to get away, stowing the rosary away again carefully so Cas wouldn’t see it and ask awkward questions about him being a believer.  As he slid between the sheets and looked out the window, he spotted the moon. He smiled at it, just a fraction, for no real reason, before rolling over onto his front and trying to sleep again, the sensory memory of the smooth beads in his fingers ingrained into him.  As he slept, his hand tightened around the ‘beads’ as the nightmares threatened to come again. Unbeknownst to Gabriel, a shield was wrapped around his mind, keeping them off and away from him, letting the hunter sleep well again for the second night running. 

 

**_You’re welcome._ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayup so here's chapter two! Hope you're liking it so far ;w;


	3. Brothers in Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel tells Gabriel some truths, then Gabriel takes one for the team and sleeps out in the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Miniatures/wordssometimesfail for picking out the song Come Sail Away by Styx as the song in the car!

When Gabriel woke up the following morning, the words _you’re welcome_ rang in his ears with no reasonable explanation for it. They were as clear as the day outside, and if he closed his eyes he could _hear_ them, as if someone had said them to him. As if someone had whispered them in his ear whilst he was asleep. The voice he could hear them in wasn’t his, nor was it Castiel’s. It was… different. A different voice, one he’d never heard before. Though he thought he’d like to hear it again sometime. He ignored it, guessing it was his imagination. Or something else. Gabriel wasn’t a man for something else though. It must have just been his imagination.. Castiel was still asleep, laying on his side, half-curled in on himself, sheets tangled around his waist and Gabriel’s lips twitched into a smile seeing his brother looking peaceful for once.

Castiel usually woke up before him, especially when they were children, although he also fell asleep first. The amount of times in their early hunting days when they would always sleep in the car Gabriel had had a young Cas’ head in his lap, using his thighs as a pillow. Gabriel never complained, not even when Cas drooled, and settled for simply running his fingers through his brother’s thick hair, making sure he didn’t wake up. Not even once.

 

He headed out with the sole intention of getting breakfast, leaving his hoodie unzipped as he strolled across the parking lot to the small cafe on site. The woman behind the counter was pretty to say the least, although she didn’t look as if she was at all ready to start her shift. He smiled kindly at her, watching her visibly relax as he did so. He watched the way her eyes shifted as she read his t-shirt, her smile widening. He looked out, reading the words upside down and snorting in laughter. _My life’s like a rom com, except without the romance and I’m laughing at my own jokes._ Maybe he should have done the jacket up.

 “What can I do you for handsome?” She asked and he laughed, leaning on the counter, sweeping his hair from his face as he pretended to read the menu. The smell of freshly cooked bacon made his stomach growl and he rested the menu back down, looking over at her.

 “Can I get two bacon and egg muffins to go please? Oh, and two coffees.”

 “Milk and sugar in those?”

 “Yeah, three and milk in one, one and none in the other.” She nodded and Gabriel shifted slightly, bringing his hand to his face to rub the corner of his lip. She watched, copying the movement, wiping away the smallest bit of skewed lipstick. He winked once she’d got it and she nodded a thank you, heading into the back to give his order.

He watched her go, thinking about how _easy_ it was to harmlessly flirt with someone, knowing it wasn’t going to go anywhere. Hell, knowing it wasn’t going anyway was actually what was so damn nice about it. No pressure to keep up any false pretences. He didn’t need to pretend he was some long-distance trucker or a travelling exterminator, he just needed a smile and a wink at the well timed moment. She came back out with that same tired smile and he threw a handful of change onto the table, knowing it was way too much, but the girl seemed like she needed a higher wage, and this early in the morning? He could afford to tip heavy.

 

He thanked her as he carried their breakfasts out and back into the motel room, Castiel waking up nearly instantly as he smelt the coffee and bacon.

 “Breakfast, Gabriel?” Castiel sat up, hair a bird’s nest and Gabriel nodded, putting the food on the small table in the room. They might be hunters, Gabriel being quite the messy hunter at that, but they could keep some degree of civilisation.

 “Yeah, thought it’d be nice y’know?” Some degree of decent food and humanity? Just pretend that everything was okay. Sometimes it was okay to pretend that nothing was wrong, and that life was normal and basically back how it used to be.

*

Once breakfast was over they drove again. The road was again, as clear as the road could be, but the weather wasn’t anywhere near as good as it had been. Rain lashed down against the outside of the car, the windscreen wipers squeaking with every movement.

 “Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me.” He sung loudly, the right knee bouncing slightly as he sung, Cas tracing his fingers over the lines in a map, making sure they were going in the right direction. “I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise…” Gabriel wasn’t even thinking about the lyrics he was singing, his mouth was just moving on it’s own accord, forming out the words and singing along. Something about the singing whilst he was driving stopped his mind from wandering to other things - like the nightmares. He should tell Castiel about the nightmares. What if Cas was having something similar? That thought made him so distracted he missed the next lines of the song, something he hoped Castiel wouldn’t notice. He picked it back up as the chorus came back in, noticing the way his brother mouthed along with him.

 “Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me lads.” Gabriel sung a little louder, ignoring the way he knew he was out of tune. Anything to distract him from himself.

 

Cas poked a salad around the bowl at lunch, sitting in a roadside diner. Tinny 60s pop music came from a jukebox in the corner, though Gabriel was sure it’d just been playing What’s New Pussycat by Tom Jones on repeat for the past ten minutes. Castiel hadn’t put the map away yet and he had Gabriel’s journal open as well, flipping through the pages of it. Gabriel took yet another mouthful of his burger, chewing it and watching Castiel. When he finished his mouthful he reached over and flipped the journal closed, dragging it back across the table to him.

 “Castiel, put the map away and eat your fucking salad.” Gabriel sighed, watching Castiel’s stare go stony, closing the map very slowly and deliberately before picking up a single lettuce leaf, chewing louder than what should be necessary. It was easy to see how he’d been brought up by Gabriel.

 “I’m _eating_ it Gabriel, but I’m also trying to track the vampires, see if we can maybe plan where they’re going, intercept-”

 “You’d tell me if you were having nightmares right?” Gabriel cut Castiel off, refusing to drop eye contact. Castiel looked at him in shock, placing his fork down on the plate again, eyes scanning Gabriel’s face as if he was looking for insincerity before he looked away.

That was all the answer Gabriel needed.

 “Cas-”

 “Yes. I would tell you. I have had a couple. Not many, not often. They’re never… they’re never visual. Just a lot of shouting, your voice, you telling me to run. Sometimes it’s you talking to Alfie before… but yes. I have the nightmares sometimes.” Gabriel’s throat closed up at the confirmation of his fears. Castiel was suffering too. To the sound of his voice. He rubbed his jaw and reached over the table, squeezing Cas’ hand.

 “You tell me. Next time it happens, if it wakes you up, you wake me up too okay?” His grip on Cas’ hand tightening when Cas didn’t reply quick enough, the other finally nodding and Gabriel let go of his hand, returning to his food. As he ate he realised that this meant he couldn’t leave at night anymore to clear his head after a nightmare in case Castiel had one. A subtle glance up at his brother made him solve that issue with a simple choice. He just wouldn’t leave the room. It might make it a little harder for him personally, but at the end of the day he’d rather Cas was okay. He’d rather Castiel didn’t need to suffer through the nightmares alone. As they were leaving the jukebox finally changed tune from It’s Not Unusual back to What’s New Pussycat and Gabriel had to disguise his cackle of laughter.

*

 “They don’t have two rooms. They have one, and it’s a single.” Cas leant on the roof of the car, sliding the key card across it with two fingers for Gabriel to take. He picked it up, tapped it on the roof twice and let go, breathing out hard. He knew how this conversation was going to go down. He’d tell Castiel to take the room, Castiel would refuse and insist _he_ take the room, and it’d go on from there until one of them gave up.

 “You take it.” He said, holding the card to Castiel who took it and for once, without an argument.

 “If you’re sure…”

 “I sleep in the car all the time Cassie, don’t you worry about me.” Cas’ expression told him that he _would_ worry about him, but there was nothing that Gabriel could do about that. He’d told him not to worry about him.

 

The main problem with sleeping in the car was that it was quiet. Way too quiet. No hushed sounds of Castiel’s breathing across the room to lull him to sleep. He folded his arms across his chest and closed his eyes, trying to find something that resembled sleep.

Everytime he drifted off (( _Alfie please don’t you don’t mean this_ )) the voices came back to him. He rolled over a little, shoulder protesting at the hard seat, but the pain just made it all the easier to block out (( _ALFIE NO_ )) the shouting. He squeezed his eyes shut (( _Gabriel, go, run, come on, we need to go, Gabriel come on_ )) and tried to focus on the stinging ache in his joint as (( _I can’t Cas I can’t what about Alfie Cas I can’t leave him--_ )) He sat up and slammed his fist into the back of the driver’s seat, eyes watering in anger and fear.

His chest as tight enough that he could barely breathe and a sob left him, cradling his now sore hand to his chest.

 “‘m sorry Alfie… ‘m so sorry…” He whispered at his knees, knowing no one could hear him, but no one needed to be able to hear him. The only person he needed to hear it couldn’t. He wrapped his arms around himself, left hand brushing the rosary. Without even thinking he reached into the pocket and pulled it out, clutching it to his chest. He had no reason to find the item so comforting, but he did. Something about it soothed him and made him feel _okay._ Without even thinking about it he prayed to the angel he didn’t even really believe in, the nagle he wouldn't let himself believe in, lips moving with every word he thought. He knew the prayer was desperate and probably futile, but in his half-asleep and panicked state there was nothing else he could do.

*

_Sam_

_Are you there?_

_Please say you are_

_I know this is nothing like the other two times I’ve prayed to you but I just needed to say thank you again for yesterday_

_For keeping them away again_

_I -_

_Just_

_Can you keep them from Cas too?_

_He doesn’t deserve to be hearing all that kind of shit, I mean I doubt he even remembers the night but god that just makes it worse doesn’t it_

_And if you can’t keep them away from me and him that’s okay_

_Prioritise him please_

_I_

_It was my fault_

Another sob left him and he curled around the rosary as bright vivid images of the night came to mind, images so clear it was like reliving it over and over. Hand stretching to Cas, waving at him, telling him to run. Hand out to Alfie, palm up, begging him to take it, begging him to hold on and run with them. The black eyes, the smoke, the screaming--

_I should have done more, I should have tried harder but I didn’t and I deserve every last nightmare I get in punishment because I need it I need the reminding, so I don’t let the same fucking thing happen to Castiel_

_But keep him safe please_

_I’m not even a believer man_

_I know I sound pathetic when I’m begging I know I do_

_But_

**_There is nothing pathetic about asking for help Gabriel._ **

He dropped the rosary from his chest as the other voice in his head came back, though this time it wasn’t a faint sound, but a clear voice. His tears stopped instantly as he stared at the cross, moonlight bouncing off it.

**_I didn’t mean to scare you._ **

He pressed his hands over his ears as hard as he could, trying to block it out, block out the sound of a voice he didn’t recognise that didn’t even seem to be coming in from the outside. The voice seemed to originate right from the inside of his head. He’d heard about this, about hunters who go mad under the stress of the job and who have to give it all up because hunting with little voices in your head could get someone killed.

_What the fuck who are you who is this why are there voices in my head no I can’t hear this I’m going insane fuck no fuck no no no-_

**_Gabriel, breathe._ **

As commanded by the voice in his head he took in a shaky breath, holding it till he couldn’t any more before breathing out. He did it again, unsure why he was obeying the voices in his head but there was no doubt about the fact that the breathing was making him feel better.

_Who are you?_

**_My name is Sam._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooooooooooooooooooooooooboy okay here we go ;)


	4. It's Kesha, Gabriel.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's there, Gabriel is nice to a stranger (again) and then Gabriel makes a realisation way, way too late.

_Sam?_

Gabriel couldn’t remember how to breathe. Every thought in his head became central around the fact (was it a fact? Facts have to be able to be proven, could he prove this?) that he was being spoken to by an angel. A fucking _angel._ He wasn’t sure if he did believe it. He wasn’t sure if he could believe it. Did he just not believe it, or did he not _want_ to believe it? Either way, he couldn’t be talking to a legitimate Angel of the Lord… could he? He rubbed his face before carefully picking up the rosary and looking at it, at the dull red hues.

_You’re… real?_

Wow, lame Gabriel. He rubbed his thumb over one of the beads, watching the faded elastic beneath it become just that little bit exposed as he did.

**_‘fraid so._ **

Gabriel laughed loudly, the sound filling the car and diffusing the tension in it. Right, sure, the angel was a jokester, of course he was. He couldn’t help but keep up the smile though, holding the rosary close to his chest. There was something about the fact Sam, an _angel,_ something he didn’t even know existed, that made him feel calm.

_You’re a legit angel then. Wings, halo, the lot?_

**_Indeed I do. Wings, halos, the lot._ **

_Halos? Like, plural? Angels have more than one halo?_

**_Indeed. I’m what some call a Virtue, a second-class of Angel , therefore I have 2 halos, and two sets of wings._ **

Gabriel nodded as Sam spoke, because that made sense. Wait - no it didn’t make sense. Angels existing didn’t make sense. Part of him laughed about the fact that if Sam and angels were real, he was probably being incredibly disrespectful then, sitting there and claiming that they didn’t exist.

**_Are you going to be okay?_ **

That hadn’t been what he’d been expecting Sam to say. Asking him if he wanted him to stay, maybe, asking him about the hunter lifestyle or even about why Gabriel was so suspicious of him yeah but… not if he was going to be okay.

_I… I think so. Seeing as you’re real and stuff_

_Kinda makes everything seem a little easier if I’m honest_

_The thought there’s something bigger than me_

**_I’m glad that the thought is of some comfort to you._ **

Why that put such a wide smile on Gabriel’s face, he wasn’t sure, but god it did. He settled back against the wall of the car, eyes closing as he focused on the sound of Sam’s voice in his head. The slight sound made everything seem less lonely, and made it seem like the world wasn’t closing in about to suffocate him.

**_Want me to stay here for a little while with you?_ **

Gabriel opened his eyes again as he went to reply before remembering Sam wasn’t actually there, so he didn’t need to. Letting them close again he rolled a little onto his side, getting as comfortable as he could in the stiff back seat.

_Please._

 

Gabriel couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept that well in the back of the car, but he woke up without the muscle protests he usually had, there was no crick in his neck, and even better? There has been no more nightmares.

_Thanks Sam_

**_You’re welcome Gabriel._ **

*

He changed his shirt quickly before anyone could come out of their rooms and into their cars, though he was nearly seem by a young woman in a tight red dress and ripped tights, her black stilettos hanging from her right hand. Gabriel watched the way she gingerly walked over the gravel of the driveways and towards the exits of the motel when he realised she didn’t have a car there. It occurred to him then she was probably a prostitute, picked up in the middle of the night and stayed there till morning, but the guy she’d been with wasn’t giving her a lift back to anywhere. He fired Castiel a quick text telling him he was going to get them breakfast from town because there wasn’t a cafe on site, he started up the engine and pulled up alongside her.

 “Hey, you want a lift into town?” She bent down as he unwound the window, allowing her to look in and see him.

 “What’s in it for you?” He shook his head a little, pulling his phone from his pocket to show her what the small lump was.

 “Absolutely nothing, but I’m going that way to get some grub so if you want a lift back into civilisation then hop on in. Even let you choose the radio station.” Despite the clear distrust in her eyes she opened the door and slid in, poking the radio on, flipping it to a generic stadium, a Katy Perry song blaring. Gabriel shrugged as the singer waxed on about the taste of someone’s cherry chapstick and he took a left, taking care to stay on the main roads and avoid any kinds of small sidings. As they drove the girl relaxed, singing along to the pop songs on the radio until they reached the town and she patted the dashboard.

 “I can jump out here-”

 “Lemme buy you a coffee, I doubt you ate last night did you?” Shaking her head, Gabriel nodded knowingly, pulling up to park and helping her out the car. “I’ll buy breakfast, you can eat yours here or to go, but I’m getting mine to go and heading back to my brother at the motel so…”

 “Why’re you being so nice to me Mister? I mean you don’t even seem to want anythin’ in return.” Gabriel laughed softly as he held the door open for her at the diner he’d found.

 “For starters, I’m gay.” Not entirely a lie, but it was the easiest explanation he had. The main reason was just that he felt sorry for her. He knew what it was like to be living with barely anything and doing whatever it took to get by. Wasn’t that what hunting was really? On top of that, he was a hunter, helping people was part of the job description. Handing her the styrofoam cup of coffee and the sausage sandwich she’d ordered, he gave her another small smile. Before he could leave, she stood on tiptoes and gave his cheek a kiss that left a tiny amount of pink lipstick residue.

 “Thanks… uh… shit, I didn’t catch your name.”

 “Richard.”

 “Thank Richard.” He made his way out of there with a small wave and a plastic bag with his and Cas’ breakfasts in.

**_That was very nice of you Gabriel._ **

His heart leapt as Sam spoke and his hands clenched on the steering wheel before he remembered and exhaled heavily, thumping his forehead on the wheel. Right. Yes. Angel. Telepathy. Is… watching. Right. Shit was Sam constantly watching over him? What if he masturbated? Could he fire up a quick prayer telling Sam to pull the curtain over or something?

_‘m a hunter, saving and helping people is kinda my job description you feel?_

**_I understand that it’s something that comes with the hunting lifestyle, although that girl wasn’t being harassed by a creature, she was more a victim of bad circumstance._ **

_Ain’t we all victims of bad circumstance though if you think about it Sammich?_

Gabriel wasn’t sure where the nickname came from, but it felt natural, and Sam didn’t seem to mind. Sam also didn’t respond to his question, almost as if he was thinking about the overly deep and philosophical question Gabriel had proposed him with. Driving back seemed to take less time, finding Cas awake and at the table with a huge smile on his face.

 “Gabriel, I think I’ve found the vampires planned route, they’re coming back this way, we should be able to cut them off.”

*

Both brothers bundled into the car the second they’d eaten, intent on making good time on the road to cut off the vampires they’d been tracking for how long now? Castiel hit play on the radio as usual, raising an eyebrow as more pop music blared out.

 “Not your usual taste.” He commented, but Gabriel shushed him, turning it up.

 “Shut up, this is a good song.”

 “It’s _Kesha_ , Gabriel.” Gabriel revved the car and gave Cas a toothy grin as he started to mouth along to the punchy lyrics. “But we’ll leave it on.” Gabriel ruffled Castiel’s hair and laughed, rolling his window down as he sung along at an obnoxious volume.

 “Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young, we’re gonna die young.” A strong sense of irony took him over then. Ah, a hunter’s theme tune. He looked over at Cas as he sung, the other Novak three years younger than him and he bit his lip for a second. 

Castiel didn’t deserve to be hunting. At least in Gabriel’s. He was too smart for all this, he really was. He should be in college, studying something and getting honours, maybe even an M.D. Doctor Novak. Yeah, Doctor Castiel Novak. Maybe even into business, Novak and Co, or even a teacher, Mr Novak and his class of five year olds that he teaches about flowers and the alphabet. Not Castiel Novak with the shadows under his eyes and blood under his fingernails as he grabs onto the back of Gabriel’s shirt and drags him out a nest of vampires that’s too much even for them. Guilt made a bitter taste in his mouth then as he reminded himself that he was the one who’d started Castiel out in the hunting business in the first place. He was the one at fault if everything went wrong one day and Cas… He cleared his throat and shook his head, focusing on the road ahead as grey clouds began to roll in, changing the radio station before the song ended.

*

They pulled up at a gas station to fill up and swap places when Gabriel dismissed himself to go into the bathroom. They were getting close to the vampires route and there was something he needed to do. The lyrics of ‘we’re gonna die young’ hung in his head like a warning of some sorts and he needed to give himself some peace of mind.

_Hey, Sam_

_Great and Mighty Sam_

_Sup dude, you’re not answering_

_You were super fucking talkative earlier and were willing to scare the crap outta me but now I’m actually trying to talk to you, you don’t pick up the phone_

_Why am I not fucking surprised_

_It doesn’t even matter_

_I shoulda known_

_Good shit doesn’t exist in this world_

_It’s not the good the bad and the ugly it’s the bad and ugly in an all out brawl for winner, the good is long fucking gone_

_I gotta get back to Cas_

_We have an actual case of actual supernatural creatures to take care of_

He jammed the rosary into his duffel which he’d taken with him, much to Cas’ confusion and he slung it into the backseat when he got back to the car.

 “Why’d you take your bag with you?” Castiel wiped at some mayonnaise at the corner of his mouth and Gabriel handed him a napkin from the pile on the centre console.

 “Gettin’ close to the vamps. Didn’t wanna get jumped.” Although he wasn’t usually the most cautious hunter, Castiel seemed to buy the excuse and once he was done with the sandwich they set off, radio droning on about some traffic news in the East. He leant on the door, gazing out the window when he spotted it. 

A streetlamp up ahead flickering. He squinted at it, trying to make sure it was actually flickering and it wasn’t just the rain when the radio started to hiss and spew white noise at them. Gabriel’s mouth went dry as thunder rolled in the distance.

 “Gabriel?” Castiel asked, tapping two fingers to the radio as if that was going to fix it.

 “Cas, there, warehouse to the right, pull over, now.” He snapped reaching over to turn the wheel so that the car swerved off the tarmac and onto the mud.

 “Gabriel what are you-”

 “It’s not _vampires_ Cas, god I fucked up, I fucked this all up.” Everything hit him like a bolt from the blue then, why the bites were clinically perfect, why everywhere they’d been found smelt like air freshener (they’d just assumed something about them not having access to showers, but they’d never considered it was a cover-up). It explained why the pack was so damn mobile and travelled impossibly fast.

It also explained why they were coming back the way they came and were so easy to intercept.

It was a trap.

He twisted in his seat, reaching for his bag which in his rage he’d thrown too far out of his reach, fingers barely brushing over the worn fabric, stretching his fingers as far as he could get them because he knew there was a bottle of holy water just under the zip. A crash to his left made him look out the window at the face pressed to the glass, eyes flicking from a brown to a black.

 “Oh Gabriel, it’s just _so_ nice to see you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no im not sorry hAVE FUN WITH THIS CHAPTER and wait for the next one ;)
> 
> Like it love it hate it hate me come tell me on Tumblr!  
> > synergygabriel  
> > whodoesntlovesabriel


	5. He's Not a Hunter; He's my Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel recognises an old face and has his world torn apart.

Head swimming, vision blurring in and out like he was underwater, Gabriel lifted his head and peered around in the gloom. His eyes were taking their sweet time to adjust to the darkness and a throbbing pain on the back of his head made him guess he’d been struck by something hard. Wherever he was, though he still couldn’t see much, it smelt like stagnant water and sulphur. _Sulphur._ He shook his head to try and clear it, ignoring the way the pain grew at that and forced himself to concentrate in the gloom.

 “Gabey, Gabey, Gabey. Someone’s going _soft_ in their old age aren’t they? Not recognising that it was in fact a cloud of demons you were pursuing?” A voice from behind him made him tense, trying to turn his head and look behind him, only to find he was chained to a pole.

 “Who are you?” He craned his neck to try and see behind him but all he was greeted with was a cackle and an approaching shape in the gloom.

 “Oh Gabriel I’m insulted, don’t recognise little old me.” The demon’s face was back in his and he struggled to think what with its proximity. How would a demon know his name? The cackling of the demon’s laughter rung in his ears and his eye went wide in horror as he knew. 

  _“So pretty, such a pretty vessel.”_

_“You’re not my...”_

_“And who are you?”_

_“I’m your brothe--”_

 “You’re the bastard who hurt Alfie.” He growled, finally knowing who the creature in front of him was. “You’re the one who possessed him and made him do all those things.” The demon hummed in agreement, twirling a knife in his fingers and switching a light on.

 “Little ol’ me? No, no, I just… helped him release some inner desires that’s all.”

Gabriel shut his eyes tightly against the sudden brightness, finally letting them reopen to see what was happening around him and seeing another figure chained to a pole parallel to his.

Gabriel lurched forward, a yell in his throat as the demon tapped Castiel’s chin, his eyes flicking to black and empty.

 “Don’t _touch_ my brother!” He fought against the chains that bound him back against the pillar, pushing so hard the links dug into his shirt and skin but he ignored the soreness. “Get away from him!”

 “Or _what_ Gabriel?” The demon crooned, fingers curling under Castiel’s face, lifting it up a little, Cas’ eyelashes fluttering as he started to regain consciousness. “You gonna save Castiel like you saved Alfie? Oh… oopsie.” Gabriel snapped his teeth at the demon who just laughed. The cruel sound made Castiel pull his head up a little more, blue eyes wide in shock as he realised they were tied up, and there was a demon inches from him.

 “Ga-Gabriel?” He stammered, and Gabriel felt his heart drop. Castiel was calling for him, calling for him to save him, he needed to get out of these damn _chains._ He struggled a little more, unable to stop watching the way the demon drew the knife over Cas’ jawbones, down his neck, over the throbbing of his pulse and down the centre of his chest to rest over his heart.

 “We’ve been hunting _you,_ you know that? The hunters became the hunted. How… poetic. You have killed countless demons between the pair of you, looking for the one that killed your brother. Of course, you looked for so long and in the end I was the one who found you. But that is besides the point. _You_ want revenge for the fratricide committed upon you? You two have killed so many of us… that so do we.”

 “No, no, don’t hurt Cas, please, it wasn’t him, it was me, it was my fault, it was all my fault, leave Cas _alone._ ” He begged, though something at the back of his mind told him that no amount of pleading would help him.

 “Oh but Gabriel, that’s the whole point. It _is_ your fault. And _you’re_ the one we want to suffer.”

* 

Gabriel didn’t even hear his scream as he saw the knife sink into Cas’ chest. He felt it though, felt the way the sound was ripped from him, dragging over his vocal cords so loud and high that it hurt. He felt the way the sound reverberated in his ears as his eyes burned with unshed tears.

 “Cas, no!” He screamed, fighting harder, right wrist dislocating as he pulled at the handcuffs and the bindings. “Cas, Cas, buddy, c’mon, look at me, Cassie c’mon.” He babbled, the demon throwing the knife to the floor. He didn’t even watch the creature leave with a spring in it’s step. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he’d just been left shackled to a pole. All that mattered that very second was the fact that Castiel was _bleeding,_ he had been stabbed in the chest, and Gabriel couldn’t get over there to stop anything from happening.

 “G’briel…” Cas slurred, looking up at Gabriel, who forced a smile onto his face for Cas’ sake.

 “Good job Cas, doin’ well, that’s right, just keep looking at me okay? Everything’s going to be okay, you trust me don’t you?” Castiel’s barely there nod was all Gabriel needed. “Good. Trust me Cas, everything’ll be-”

 “It’s okay Gabriel…” Cas’ voice was just over a whisper and Gabriel shook his head. Cas shouldn’t be comforting him, this was the wrong way round. “S’gonna be… okay… listen… we’ve… we’ve come so far… together… and I jus’... never blamed you. Never blamed you f’r what happened to Alfie… ‘cause you tried your best. S’all you ev’r did ‘nd I couldn’ ask for a better brother.” Gabriel sobbed loudly as Castiel’s head fell back down and his eyes went wide.

 “Cas. Cas. Castiel. Cas. _Cas!_ ”

*

 “Open your mouth Gabriel.” Gabriel’s head lolled to the side, lips parting a fraction as a cold glass was pressed to his bottom lip, water being tipped into his mouth. He swallowed a few drops, tongue sweeping over his lip to drink up the small amount he’d missed. “Not too much.” Gabriel grunted, trying to sit up, entire body stiff and painful.

 “Ngh…” He slurred, hand coming up to press on his forehead behind which a headache was forming. “Fuck- how much did you let me _drink_ last night Cassie, never had a hangover this bad.” the chuckle that left him was weak as he opened his eyes, looking around. He wasn't in the motel room, he was in a… warehouse? Why was he in a warehouse? He sat up, suddenly aware his right side was now cold and he looked over at the person who had given him the water.

As much as he told himself he didn't know that face, he knew he'd be lying to himself. That same calm face had lured him in that night at the church, though then it had been made of delicate glass.

 “You're not Cas.”

 “No, I’m not.” Gabriel stared back into the hazel eyes that seemed to turn and change with every second, green and blues criss-crossing into the brown.

 “Where’s my brother?” He reached out, grabbing the other man’s shirt before shoving him backwards and standing up, unsteady on his feet as he looked around the empty space. “Where is my _brother_ dammit?”

Except the space, as he came to notice, wasn’t all that empty.

 “Cas!” Gabriel’s voice was raised again, grating already sore vocal chords as he spotted the sheet. “Cas, Cas no, Cassie, buddy, no, no no…” He lost his balance for a second before whirling on Sam, hands in the angel’s shirt again, slamming him into the pillar with a fire in his eyes. “You’re an angel right? Bring him back. Bring him the _fuck_ back to me.” Gabriel snarled, Sam’s hands flying up in defense, wrapping around Gabriel’s biceps.

 “Gabriel, that isn’t how-”

 “Don’t _bullshit_ me dammit, you’re a motherfucking angel, wings, halos the lot. You can bring… bring him back. You have to…” He let Sam go, lip curling in disgust before he turned and ran over to the tarpaulin laid out on the ground. Grabbing at the corner, he pulled the plastic away.

 *

There’s a reason that the phrase reads _and then your blood ran cold._ Because as Gabriel found out in that moment, it really does. To him, it felt like someone has pressed a syringe of ice cold water into his veins and let it run rampant. His lips, ears, fingers, arms, everything about him just went cold and he froze, the blue plastic in his hand, holding it off the ground so he could see beneath it.

 “Cas.” He whispered, the sound small and broken. He let the plastic fall again. A noise behind him made him turn and he breathed out slowly, looking the angel up and down. “Don’t you take one more fucking step towards me or I will _find_ a way to kill an angel and I will send you back to wherever the fuck you came from.” Sam stopped, confliction obvious on his face. “I prayed to you, you know that? Before we got caught in this joint, I fucking _prayed_ to you and you didn’t _answer._ I wanted you to protect Cas because he shouldn’t be in this fucking mess with me, and you _didn’t answer_ and now he’s dead. He’s fucking _dead._ ” He stood up again, a barrier between the angel and his brother, a shield between the living (were angels living?) and the dead.

 “Gabriel, I tried to respond but you broke the link too early, I was busy-”

 “I get that, I do, you’re an angel with angel business. But right now? I don’t want to hear your fucking excuses. I want to bury my brother in peace.”

Sam’s face changed, clearly to try and speak and warn Gabriel of something but he ignored it, turning back to throw the dark blue covering away and scoop up Castiel bridal style, making sure his head was resting on his shoulder. It kind to mind then that his wrist should hurt, he’d dislocated it trying to get free, but no doubt Sam had something to do with that. If he could fix Gabriel’s wrist he should be able to bring Castiel back to life.

 “Burying isn’t-”

 “No. No pyre. Castiel is not having a hunter’s funeral.”

*

With all due respect to Sam, Gabriel knew that he had his reasons for saying he shouldn’t be buried. He’d died a violent and traumatic death, there was a definite chance that he could come back as a ghost, but there was no way Gabriel would salt and burn Castiel. No way. He wasn’t _meant_ to be a hunter, it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Castiel wasn’t supposed to die this way. He was supposed to fall in love, get married, die old. He wasn’t supposed to be buried by his brother at the age of 24 with a stab wound in his chest. He brushed Castiel’s hair away from his forehead, pressing a quick kiss to the cold skin before he lifted himself out the makeshift grave and started to shovel dirt over his body. Castiel wouldn’t receive a hunter’s funeral, because in Gabriel’s eyes he wasn’t a hunter. Castiel was his brother first.

Gabriel turned the radio on. Sitting in the silence of the car was just making him feel nauseous. His mind wasn’t working, not in the slightest. He couldn’t think of anything except the fact Cas was _gone._ Green Day blared through the speakers and he turned it up, hoping something about the punk band would help drown out the feeling of utter hopelessness that he was drowning in. As he thought, it wasn’t helping, but at least it was some kind of distraction. He fired up the engine and he drove aimlessly down the wide empty stretch of road he’d driven down to find the spot to bury Cas. He didn’t know where he was going, where he could go, what he could do. His hands on the wheel led the way, foot on the acceleration, occasionally tapping the brake as he let himself float onto auto pilot.

*

It was only when, hours later, the car stopped that he realised where his auto pilot had taken him and he laughed bitterly, stepping out of the car into the rain and trudging down the gravel pathway towards the lonely little church he’d been in little over three days ago. As he stood beside the sign, the ivy leaves heavy with the weight of the raindrops he saw a lonely looking man stood outside it, hair stuck to his face.

 “Gabriel.” The man said incredulously. All Gabriel did was raise a hand to acknowledge his presence. It struck him then that the lonely ghost of a man people saw around the church wasn’t a ghost at all but an angel waiting for his congregation to arrive. _That’s one more case solved Cas. See, I can do this whole hunting thing without you._

 “Why am I here?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y e a h im sorry for this but reAD THE TAGS OKAY T E M P O R A R Y


	6. Sharpen Your Knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel is a hunter and he intends to act like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG THANKS TO OWLWITHAFRINGE WHO'S MY NEW BETA ON THIS FIC SO CONCONCINNABON THANK YOU FOR MAKING SURE I DON'T HECK UP ON THE SPELLING AND ADDING IN LIKE 50 MILLION COMMAS FOR ME

 “Why did you bring me _here_ Sam? I sure as hell know I didn’t just retrace three days of tracks to come back here without some divine fucking intervention. Especially not after-” Gabriel’s words were cut off as Sam moved, and he watched the angel simply extended a hand to open the church door.

 “If you’d be so kind Gabriel as to follow me into the church, I’ll explain everything.” Gabriel looked from the open door to Sam’s face, suspicion coiling in his gut.

 “What do you mean, _everything_?”

 “Why I didn’t answer your prayer. Why I _can’t_ bring Castiel back. Any question you have I’ll either answer it, or do my best _to_ answer.”

Gabriel looked at Sam before cocking an eyebrow and laughing maniacally, head tipping back to the sky, arms coming up either side of him. Sam wanted him to sit down and have a nice chat with him. He wanted him to have a _chat._ A chat about the weather or something else completely mundane that just didn’t _matter_ in light of current events. The current events of him being completely and utterly alone in the world.

 “I do have a question for you actually. I’m not gonna follow you into there to answer it though. You’re gonna answer me right here and right now. Why the fuck can’t you save Cas?” He leant on the sign, hand gripping so tightly that his knuckles went white. The staredown between the two of them was intense, the rain making quiet noises on the leaves as it fell down around them. Gabriel’s shirt clung to his skin, the cold making him shiver.

 “Gabriel, come inside. Let me dry you off and we’ll talk-”

 “Oh, so you can dry me off, but you can’t do some celestial bullshit and bring Cas back huh? What kind of angel even are you? ‘Selfless and Brave’ my _ass._ You’re the angel of… of Deaf Ears. Get it? Because you don’t _listen_ .” He knew it sounded lame, but he didn’t care. He just needed to say _something_. Gabriel Novak, King of Having the Last Word.

He turned away from Sam then, heading back to the car. He took the keys from the ignition, stowing them in his pocket before picking up his duffle bag from the backseat and slinging it over his shoulder.

 “Gabriel, where are you going?”

 “Away from you. Away from here. Away from your shitty little church that probably breaks a hundred and one Health and Safety regulations, because I don’t need this. I don’t need some false fucking hope in the world that there are bigger things looking after me, because there isn’t. You don’t look after me, you’re not there for me answering every prayer with a smile and a gracious hand wave. You stand back and you watch the carnage unfold and then when I’m broken and I’m out of the count you swoop in, saving the day and expecting me to get on my knees and _thank you?_ Go _fuck_ yourself.” He spat on the ground before shooting him another filthy glare. With that, he turned his back and walked down the road.

Gabriel walked until he couldn’t feel anymore. The rain seeped through his clothes and numbed his skin, fingers so cold they wouldn’t uncurl from around the handle of his duffel, his other hand buried deep in the pocket of his jeans. The denim was so wet that he wasn’t sure if he could actually remove his hand if he wanted to. But he wasn’t thinking about his hand in his pocket, or the way his lips were probably turning blue. He was thinking about Cas, his baby brother, who he’d held the day he came into the world, but also on the day he left.

*

Gabriel twirled the machete in his hands before halting the movement the blood on the blade dripping off as he held it horizontal to the floor. His right hand was curled around the handle, the worn leather soft under his fingers, slight indents in the fabric where it’d molded itself to his hold over the years. As he stood, a quiet shuffle, then a hiss from the right drew his attention and he turned, the blade coming up and sinking through the neck of a vampire, the head bouncing off across the wooden floor. The now headless body slumped to the floor and Gabriel breathed out evenly through his nose, bending down and cutting off the vampire’s t-shirt, using the fabric to wipe his blade clean.

Keeping the weapon ready, he moved quietly through the corridors, checking each and every room for vampires. When he was sure the place was clear he found a dusty old bed in the corner of one of the last room he checked, sitting down on it and leaning back on the headboard, ankles crossed. He hadn’t stopped in weeks. Walking, walking, finding a case in the town, solving the case alone and then walking again. He didn’t know how many miles in whatever the direction it was that he’d walked, but he would walk for hours at a time, find somewhere to sit and rest, drink water, then get back up and walk again. As he started to doze off resting in the vampires bedroom, the memories from the last few weeks came back to him.

_“Can I take your order Sir?”_

_“A white coffee with one sugar in please.”_

~~

_“What’s your name Sir?”_

_“Castiel. Castiel Collins.”_

_“Castiel… that’s a funny name.”_

_“Angel of Thursday - look ‘im up.”_

~~

_“Sir? Do you need a lift?”_

_“No I’m good.”_

_“But you look like you’ve been walking for a while, I swear I’m not gonna murder you or anything.”_

_“It’s fine. I’m training for a marathon.”_

He blinked the sleepiness from his eyes and sat up, untying his boots and peeling off the damp socks he was wearing, jamming them into his duffel and replacing when with some warm dry ones. He sighed happily, re-lacing up his boots and wiggling his toes. He considered getting a pedometer when he was in town later, waiting for the laundromat cycles to end. It’d be useful, nice to know how far he was walking, but it would also be a way too painful of a reminder of what he was walking away from, _who_ he was walking from.

He cleared his throat and stood up kicking a crumpled box out of his way as he left the nest, grabbing the gasoline he’d left outside and dousing the inside of the house with it. Once done he threw a match onto a small puddle he’d made, watching the orange-blue flame shoot down the small gasoline path and up over the building, engulfing the building and dead vampires in flames.

He walked away, pulling the duffel back over his shoulder. He huffed a quiet laugh at the fact that he knew exactly what Castiel would say to him at that moment.

  _‘Cool guys don’t look at burning buildings, huh Gabe?’_

*

It was three months after Cas’ death that Gabriel got himself into trouble. He had himself a new journal, keeping tabs on what he had and hadn’t killed, and where as well. Nest of vampires in one town, two shifters in the next, a banshee in the tiny little hamlet that wasn’t even on the map. He took special care to cross days off on the calendar as well, knowing if he didn’t he’d just lose track. Days blurred into nights, each step he took taking him one step away from the life he thought he’d lead, and towards the life he’d never wanted to have.

He’d heard about lonely hunters. Hunters that didn’t have anyone else to fall back on and talk to. Those kind of hunters were in the long run: the most dangerous kind. Men or women living off nothing but the clothes on their back and the ground under their feet. The thing about these kind of hunters that made them so dangerous was the fact they had nothing to lose. He’d heard about them taking on hordes of demons, one versus ten armed with holy water and a bible and nothing else because in the end, they had nothing else to stay around for. If they got taken out by the 4th or 5th demon there wouldn’t be a person left behind to mourn or miss them. He’d never imagined that he would become one of them.

He found a swarm of demons. According to all the intel he could gather, there were at least seven squatting in an abandoned building, right on the edge of a fairly large town. Other hunters had been raising the alarms about it, saying there were more demons there every time someone checked - seven being the last and the only definite count. The rumours weren’t to be counted on though, some said seven was too high of a number and there were only three, whereas someone else was talking about there being over 50. Gabriel was hoping there was only seven.

Gabriel didn’t know if the demon who’d murdered Alfie and Castiel would be in there, but it was worth a try. He could be in there, and then Gabriel could send him back to Hell where he belonged. Armed with holy water in his pockets and a knife that was rumoured to be able to kill demons. He’d stolen it from a museum weeks ago, reading the plaque and deciding it was worth a shot. Anything was worth a shot at permanently killing a demon. Tapping his thigh to check it was still there and easily accessible, he crept into the house.

Knife into the spine of Demon One and he was going well, being as quiet as he could before the alarm was raised. Unfortunately he was caught as he sunk the blade into Demon Two by Demon Three starting a fight between the two of them, him winning. As another three demons came running into the room though a thought flickered through his mind. The thought he might not win this. Despite that he kept fighting; knife swinging, spinning his whole body through the follow through to press the blade through a demon’s chin, before kicking another square in the chest.

He was pushed backwards by the force of his own kick and he stumbled a backwards. Barely an inch backwards. But backwards. Demons latched onto his arms, upper and fore, and dragged him off balance, the knife falling from his hand.

 “Fuck- no.” He choked, a hand closing around his throat.

 “Who do we have here hmm? A hunter, intruding on our house?” A voice behind him made him shiver as the other demons manhandled him into turning round to look at who seemed to be their leader, eyes flicking to black as she walked towards him. “Oh _I_ know you, you’re _Gabriel Novak._ The one who got away.” He kicked out at her with a shout and she just laughed at him again. “Oh Gabriel… just because Nybbas was so kind to you…”

 “Christo!” Every demon in the room flinched, loosening their grip on Gabriel enough so he could get free and grab the knife from the floor, sinking it into one of their chests before grabbing the lead demon by the throat, slamming her to the wall.

 “Nybbas?” She winked at him before the woman’s mouth opened, black smoke leaving her and shooting out the cracked window behind him. “Fuck!” He dropped the now unconscious woman and wiped the knife on his jeans, looking up at the doorway to see who’d shouted Christo and effectively saved his life.

A man in cargo pants stood there, jacket rumpled and an open journal in his hands, finger poisted on the page as if he was about to run his finger under the lines of the page. Exorcism perhaps.

 “Thanks.” He raised a hand at them briefly before turning to leave, only to be given a scoff in return.

 “Thanks? You nearly get gutted by demons and all you have is a thanks? If I hadn’t stepped in you’d be _dead._ ” Gabriel sheathed his knife and turned back to the other man.

 “What do you want? Want $10 and a hug? Want me to take you out for a candlelit fucking dinner by the sea? I didn’t _ask_ you to save me. Didn’t ask for _any_ of this bullshit.” The other hunter raised an eyebrow at him before closing the notebook, tucking it under his arm.

 “James? The coast clear yet?” A female voice made Gabriel squint, a red-haired woman running into the room behind the dark haired man, who now he thought about it looked a little like an older Castiel. How Castiel _should_ have looked in a few years time.

 “All the demons are dead or ran off, so yeah it’s safe Lill. Though…”

 “Gabriel. Hunter. One of the Novak brothers. I’ll be on my way now though.” He gave the woman, (Lill?) a wave before striding out the house and down the path he’d came. Other _fucking_ hunters in their groups. He was fine on his own.

 “Hey! Gabriel!” James called after him, running up and grabbing his shoulder.

 “What do you want?” Gabriel snapped, turning on him and shrugging his hand off.

 “Listen. You almost _died_ in there. You’re not like me and Lily, you don’t have any watching out for you in monster houses like that so just… take care okay? From what I saw even though I didn’t see much, you seem like a good hunter. The kind of hunter the world needs a lot more of. Don’t get yourself killed okay?” He pulled a pen from his pocket, scrawling down a phone number in the notebook before ripping out the page and handing him it. “Next time you find somewhere like that give us a call. The Evans will always be happy to help.” He tried a small smile, one Gabriel reciprocated.

 “Will do James.”

He tucked the phone number into his pocket as he walked away, entering it into his phone a few hours later once he’d charged it at the library. He was letting himself get out of hand, get rusty, get _reckless._ He reached into his bag and pulled out his old journal, turning to the most recent page where he’d written in big letters across the page _W.W.C.S_.

_What Would Cas Say?_


	7. Whiskey Rounded Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel sits by himself for a while in a bar with a drink and does a lot of thinking.

Gabriel kept his head hanging low, focusing on the glass of whiskey in his right hand. He swallowed nothing, then necked the rest of the whiskey, half dropping the glass back onto the counter with a bang. A jittery blonde girl to his left jumped, her hand shaking as she reached for what Gabriel assumed was some fruit juice and vodka mix. He sympathised with her. He’d seen that shaking hand on many a hunter. That was the shaking hand of fear, of too much alcohol, and the hand that shakes hands with paranoia.

With hunters, it was the paranoia someone, or something was just around the corner, that every building entered would be the one they’d take their last breath in. The paranoia that the person they’re making eye contact with was going to blink and the brown or the blue or the green or the grey was going to vanish and become an all consuming black.

Gabriel motioned for another drink, noting the way his hand didn’t shake. That could be scarier though, couldn’t it? The complete and utter lack of fear that he could feasibly die atany minute. He could be brutally murdered by something if he made one mistake, or even if he did everything perfectly. There will always be a monster he couldn’t defeat. There would always be something that bests him. Something that moves too fast or hides in the shadows too well. He thanked the barman for the second drink and dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, wincing at the slight pain. That was why hunters travelled in pairs, he supposed. So that if the monster’s too fast for one of them, the other can get it. So there’s someone to help when the other is bleeding out. So that there’s someone to hold a dying man’s hand through his final breaths, smile at him, and tell him that everything will be okay.  
Just like he’d done to Cas.

He threw back the whiskey and stood, the alcohol rushing through his system and he thanked the barman before leaving, steps wobbling but he was walking in a vaguely straight line as he got out to the motel less that 10 minutes away, hands in the duffel bag as he did, searching, searching, till he found it. Amongst the stale sandwich crumbs and scraps of paper with phone umber he'd never called on, his fingers wound around the rosary that seemed to be heated from the inside. He fell onto the hard motel bed, dropping the bag onto the floor, the cherry rosary in his hands, nails slipping easily into the pre made grooves made by the desperate and lonely years before.

_Hey Sam_

[...]

_Okay you’re not there_

_Whatever_

_Didn’ expect you to be there anyway_

_It’s fine I’ll just talk to you here_

_Like an answering machine!_

_Do angels have answering machines?_

_Do I gotta leave a message after the tone?_

[...]

_BEEP! Right okay there’s the tone now I speak this is fine_

_What I called you - have I called you? - to say is that I’m sorry I’m an asshole_

_I am sorry about it_

_But there’s nothing really I can do about it to be honest_

_I lost Alfie and it was all my fault, I should have known something was wrong, I should have noticed that he wasn’t himself_

_What kind of brother doesn’t notice their brother is possessed huh?_

_I’ll tell you_

_A really fucking shit one that’s wha’ kind of brother_

_And I swore that I’d never let something like that hurt my brothers again so I learnt to hunt_

_I talked to the ‘FBI’ agents who came around once Alfie died and told them I knew it wasn’t him it wasn’t it was something else, something made his eyes go black_

_And they told me everything, told me who to go talk to and I learn from there but I bring Cas with me because I can’t risk losing him too_

_The only goddamn reason I learnt to hunt was to keep Castiel safe and I ruined it I fucked it up I’m the reason he was in danger in the first place_

_And I don’t know whether me making him hunt with me prolonged his life or not because think about it_

_He could have been hit by a car on the way to school_

_Or choked on something from the cafeteria_

_He could have died anyway_

_So in a way I might have prolonged his life_

_But I’m the reason he died via knife in the heart chained to a pole in an empty warehouse in the ass end of nowhere_

_And I can’t forgive myself for that_

_I’m not asking you to forgive me either that’s not the reason I’m praying to you the reason I’m praying to you is I just_

_I needed to talk to someone but I have no one left_

_I have no one left in this whole goddamn world and I know I don’t even have you because you’re not talking back and I’m not even expecting you to but I needed to say I’m sorry_

_I’m so sorry for fucking this all up_

Gabriel passed out asleep from the whiskey there, the rosary still clutched in his hands, tear stains on his face from where he’d cried. But the difference between the sleep he got last night and the sleep he got then was the lack of nightmares. He no longer heard the choking gasp from Castiel’s body as the knife slid into him. He no longer heard the clinking of chains and his own tormented screaming. All he heard was nothing, but it was a comfortable nothing, a nothing that didn’t feel like it was going to come all in and crash down around him.

*

Sam carefully brushed Gabriel’s hair away from his face as the man rolled over in his sleep and buried his face into the duvet. He pried the rosary from Gabriel’s hands, breaking the link between the two of them so he no longer could hear all of Gabriel’s thoughts and he laid it on the pillow, within reach, and a place where Gabriel would logically let go of it so he didn’t know Sam had been there. Sam sat in the chair by the window to watch Gabriel sleep for a few minutes, checking he was peaceful and getting the rest that he so desperately needed before standing and leaving in a near-silent flutter of wings.

*

When Gabriel awoke in the morning he instantly reached for the rosary, taking it in his hand and tightening his grip around it. He _needed_ it. It sounded stupid, even after the fact he’d called Sam names and walked away from him, he needed the rosary for some form of comfort. Perhaps it was the fact that Sam _was_ all he had left in the world. Screw the fact Sam wouldn’t talk to him. Sam was all he _had._ He headed to the door, intent on getting food and a newspaper, find a new case somewhere in town hopefully, keep his mind busy when he saw it. A dark blue feather on the carpet, perfectly curved so it rocked a little with the tiny breeze made as Gabriel moved near it. He picked it up and swore he felt warmth go through him like a wave, but it was so small and so fast that he just couldn’t be sure. He tucked the feather into his journal, patted the leather cover, and left the room.

*

That night found him drinking again. Different bar this time though, sat in the corner of it with a full glass and a hoodie done up to his neck, staring into the liquid and admiring the way the yellow glow from the aging lamp above him shot rainbows through the glass and onto the table. He twirled the glass, watching the rainbow dance in response before he sipped the whiskey. He shouldn’t be drinking and he knew it. He knew nothing good came of getting drunk over and over again except for the fact it numbed away the nightmares so he could sleep for once. Sleep the dark hours with the creeping shadows away. The window next to him exposed the parking lot behind the bar, three cars sat patiently in it for their owners to return. Part of him wondered if all three cars would make it home, or if one of them would stay there for the night because the owner was too drunk, or if one would end up crumpled and cold at the side of the road with a sawn off door and a broken windshield. He ran his thumb over the rim of the glass and heaved another sigh as he noticed a rain beginning.

His phone buzzed in his pocket by the fourth glass and he checked it, squinting to try and stop the screen from blurring.

~~

[From: James]: _You still in town?_

[To: James]: _in the bar on 5th. drunk._

[From: James]: _Mind if I join?_

[To: James]: _go ahead_

~~

Resting his phone face down on the table he finished his drink, but didn’t order another, just waited for James. It didn’t take him more than ten minutes to arrive and slide into the chair opposite to Gabriel, a beer bottle in hand.

 “Done much since I saw you?” He asked before taking a swig and Gabriel shook his head.

 “Nah. Came here, got drunk, went’a bed. Got up, walked around a bit, got drunk, went’a bed. Rinse and repea’.” Gabriel raised both eyebrows at James who let out a slow and controlled exhale. Disappointment. That’s what that was. He’d heard enough of it in his life to know that.

 “I don’t need to know what happened, but I know something did. All I wanna say Gabe is that if you have somewhere you can go back to, a home, a car, somewhere _safe_ … maybe you should. See if it sets your mind at ease. See if it knocks some self-preservation back into you.” Gabriel looked away as he spoke, back out of the window and at the pouring rain. _A home, a car, somewhere safe_. Castiel had been his home, his safe place. ‘Home ground’ as he’d said a few times. Somewhere to gravitate back to and protect. He did have the car, though he’d left her back by the church.

Somewhere safe.

His mouth went dry, and it wasn’t because of the alcohol. He stood up sharply, so sharply that the chair he was sitting on toppled backwards and James jumped a little, watching as Gabriel dug in his pockets, pulling out a few crumpled bills, the rosary and his room card. He dropped the card onto the table before looking at James.

 “Motel two blocks away, room 6. Go in there, get my shit, use what you want, destroy what you don’t Guard the journal with your life. I’ll call you in like a week and find out where you are so I can collect it.” James didn’t question Gabriel as he left the bar, stumbling over his own feet but not with drunkenness. He stumbled because he was going faster and faster, walk turning into a jog the breaking into a run, each step louder than the last. He gaped for air as he ran faster, the wet ground making his feet slip and he fell, scraping his palms on the tarmac. He found himself face to face with a puddle, his own reflection looking back at him. He stared at himself with the five o'clock shadow and the wide scared eyes and he pushed himself back up, running again. He ran till everything in him screamed at him to stop and even then he didn’t, he just slowed to a walk, hair and clothes plastered to his skin though he couldn’t feel the cold this time, not with his flushed skin from the exercie. He squeezed the pocket of his jeans where he’d stashed the rosary and he felt something inside him… _click._

He needed to get to the _church_.

The place where it all just sorted into place for him. Where he just felt _calm._ Where he’d let himself sit in the dark and not think everything that hides there, and let himself embrace the stillness of the night. The place where he’d just simply let himself _be._

He needed to get back to the church.

Somewhere _safe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuHHHhhhHHHHH yeah here's chapter 7


	8. The Names We Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam pulls some strings and even bigger names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so yeah I had really bad writers block but I got rid of it now so I'm gonna try and get this damn fic finished so Ay

He got there. 

It was midnight, and there was a full moon above him that loomed over in a way that he usually would find ominous. Usually he’d stand there and think about the werewolves and how he needed to be  _ ready  _ and prepared, but not now. Now he breathed in the cold air, unusually cold for July. Then again that night was a night for unusual things. He strode forward, pushing open the door to the church and he stopped abruptly. In front of the altar was a man. A lonely looking man staring up at the stained glass window.

 “Sam?” His voice echoed and he flinched slightly. It sounded loud, too loud in his ears. Part of him wondered what if that wasn’t Sam. It was just someone else praying in the lonely little church set away from the rest of the town. Part of him knew it  _ was  _ Sam, but what if he just didn’t want to talk to Gabriel. Gabriel didn’t want to talk to Gabriel for God’s sake. But as the man turned and his calm face became visible, Gabriel couldn’t help but smile at the fact he was being given a second chance. 

 “You… you came back.” Shock was etched into every word and Gabriel wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Sam hadn’t expected him to come back. But he had. He wouldn’t keep running from this any more. He  _couldn't_ keep running from it any more.

 “I’m sorry. I screwed up. It took me a long time to notice but at least I  _ did  _ notice. No I’m not asking for forgiveness because what I did was wrong but…” He walked towards Sam as he spoke, ending up standing right in front of him, close enough he could see the way his hair flicked up around his shoulders and his eyes glinted in the pale moonlight. “And yeah you’re an Angel of the Lord so forgiveness is kinda your jam but I don’t  _ need  _ forgiveness, I don’t even you could forgive all the shit I’ve-”

He stopped as Sam closed the gap between them, his large hands coming up to rest on Gabriel’s jaw, tilting his head up. Gabriel forgot how to breathe in those few seconds, though Sam didn’t, and he could feel his warm exhale against his forehead. He went to open his mouth and ask Sam what the fuck he was doing when he felt a kiss be grazed to his forehead and he swayed. 

 “Sleep, Gabriel.” Sam whispered into his hairline and Gabriel’s eyes rolled back, sinking down to the floor, only supported by Sam who lifted him into his arms, cradling the hunter. Sam sighed evenly and waved a hand, a small futon appearing in the corner of the room. He laid Gabriel on it and brushed his hair away from where it was tickling his nose. “Just sleep.” He found himself unable to pull himself too far from the sleeping man, an overwhelming urge to protect him overriding everything Sam knew. Sam knew Gabriel would be mad when he awoke, he knew it, but he hadn’t slept enough in the past half a year and there was no way Sam was letting him get away with being that exhausted in his church, not when he could change things. Plus… it would be better if he wasn’t awake for this. 

 

Sam stepped outside and a sweet smelling breeze rumpled his hair as he turned his face to the sky. 

 “I pray to thee, Dean, the Angel of the Lost. It’s Sam. I need your help.” Sam closed his eyes, waiting for the prayer to work.  _ 5… 4… 3…  _

 “What do you want Sam?” The sound of his brothers voice made him open his eyes again and he rubbed his brow a little. “I don’t have all night. I barely even have an  _ hour  _ so this better be good.”

 “Why’re you so busy?”

 “Guardian Angel business. Remember? One of my charges had an altercation with a demon and I couldn’t get in there to stop anything, so I’m tryna work out why, but I also need to find out where the kid’s soul went because I don’t have it.” That stunned Sam. Altercation with a demon? Lost soul? Surely…

 “Dean, what was his name?”

 “I can’t tell you that Sam, you know I can’t.” Sam took a step closer to Dean, the few inches he had on him in height being put to their advantage now

 “You have to  _ trust  _ me Dean, just… tell me, please.”

 “Yeah sure, and we both know how well that went last time don’t we Sam.” The hesitation in Dean’s voice was clear and Sam could see the way he broke in his eyes. “Castiel. The kid’s name was Castiel Novak. He got ganked by a demon, and his soul never made it to Heaven. It’s gotta be in Hell, and I’m tossing up whether or not I can go down there and get it. He deserves to be Heaven Sammy, he didn’t do anything wrong. If anything? He’s one of the best guys I watched over.” Sam swallowed around the thickness in his throat and he took another step forward towards Dean.

 “I will help you raise him. Once his soul is reclaimed, we’ll put it back in his body.” Dean looked up at Sam in shock, green eyes shining in the watery moonlight. 

 “What?”

 “Listen to me Dean. We’re going to bring Castiel back to life.” 

 “Sam, no, I can’t- I can’t go into Hell for him Sam. I mean, I can get in, get the soul and get to Heaven, but I can’t come back here with it you know that.” Dean protested, wings flat to his back, arms folded. 

 “Then I’ll do it.”

**~*~**

Dean thought Sam was mad. Dean thought Sam was completely and utterly insane. Bring Castiel back to life? He hadn’t been sure if  _ he’d  _ be able to go into Hell to pull him out, but Sam was determined, oh so determined. Dean couldn’t do anything but shrug his shoulders and give Sam the details of Castiel’s soul, pointing out where he believed it to be in Hell. Without further ado, Sam left. 

 

The first thing the angel noticed about Hell was the heat. It came in waves, slow pulsing waves from an unbeknownst location, making Sam squint a little. He puffed his feathers up a little, angel blade in hand, creeping down the dark corridors, through empty room after empty room. As he walked, the more nervous he became. Why was there such an eerie silence? Surely Hell was the place of screaming torture you could never escape from. 

It was then Sam found another room. A room of people sat, stock still, staring straight ahead from where they were sat. There were no chains and shackles, nothing making them sit where they'd been told. And the whole room was dead silent. In those seconds Sam realised these people probably weren't aware of the ones around them. They probably thought they were alone in a strange room, covered in hush. That loneliness, that depravity of human company, was these people's Hell. 

Sam shivered then, because he wasn’t sure what he was going to find deeper in the Underworld, but he  _ needed  _ to carry on, there was no way he couldn’t. Not only did he need to bring Castiel back for Dean, but for Gabriel. 

_ Gabriel.  _

Later. He’d dwell on the elder Novak later.

He slid around a corner, breath being knocked from him as a demon landed a solid punch in his gut, his angel blade noiselessly stabbing the demon in the chest once he regained his composure. The body hit the floor with a thud and he wiped the blood traces on his thigh. Three. Two. One. 

_ INTRUDER, INTRUDER, INTRUDER. _

And there was the alarm. 

**~*~**

Castiel scrabbled for the surface, fingers breaking the tips of the water, the heat of the air contrasting to the chill of the water. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe in or he’d drown for the millionth, maybe billionth time since he’d ended up in Hell. Some may have thought he’d be used to it by then, that it would no longer be a fear so crippling he wasn’t sure if his chest hurt due to him holding his breath or the fear. As the water began to burn at his eyes he couldn’t help but breathe in, large lungfuls of water filling him and he tried to cough but to no avail. The world began to blur around him and if he hadn’t be underwater he thought he might have started to cry.

He hadn't thought that his worst fear was drowning. Then again, when he'd been alive his worst fear had been dying, and that wasn't really possible here in Hell. Not for good anyway. So the drowning was how it happened, invoking two fears at once. The slow crawl in of death that he could feel, that he could see tingeing the edges of his vision and hear dulling the heartbeat in his ears. He could also feel the way he just  _couldn't_ breathe, and he hated it. All the while his mind chanted a mantra,  _GabrielGabrielGabriel_ reminding himself to be strong for his brother even though Gabriel would never know.

 

Then the world above him went white. A deep thumping noise above him attracted his attention and he kicked with his feet, managing to propel himself above the surface, the demon magic that’d been weighing him down. He gripped into the edge of the vat of water and dragging himself out, sodden clothes weighing him down but inside he burned brightly with renowned hope and fury. He ducked as a navy blue wing swept towards him, the blasting warmth of the wing drying him in seconds. He wanted to be surprised, or shocked, but he couldn’t be, not when a knife was being pressed into his hand. He swung it into a nearby demon, disintegrating it. God he’d missed the rush of ganking bad guys. He glanced at the man who’d come to save him and his jaw dropped at the sight of two glowing white halos interlinked above his head, two large wings extending from between his shoulder blades. He was an  _ angel.  _

 “Castiel Novak?” He nodded, diving forward to stop a demon from stabbing the angel in the back. “My name is Sam, and I’ve come to Save you.” He reached out, grabbing Castiel by the wrist before snapping his wings, propelling them out of the chamber and up, through pitch blackness. All Castiel could see was the whiteness of the halos and the way the light reflected off the white specks deep in his wings. 

**~*~**

Gabriel was fucked off. Sam had what, drugged him or some shit and left him in the church, alone. Well, not alone, with some other angel acting as his bodyguard. He didn't need this. He trusted Sam for whatever reason, and he'd run off with no explanation. Damn right Gabriel was pissed off. He tried once again to push past the other angel who just rolled his eye at him, arm stretching out to stop him.

 “You can’t leave.” The other angel said firmly, pressing a hand to Gabriel’s shoulder. “And if you don’t sit down and shut up I’ll make you.” And shut up? Oh. Maybe he'd been muttering about how Sam was a lying bastard of an angel under his breath a little louder than he thought.

 “That’s not very angel-like of you.” Gabriel snapped, but he sat down anyway. “What’s your name? I mean, if I’m gonna be stuck here with you waiting for the other bastard to show back u-” The angel's eyes flashed slightly in anger.

 “Don’t talk about Sam like that. And my name is Dean. Angel Dean of the Lost.” Gabriel barked a laugh and leant back against the cold wall of the church, eyeing Dean up. 

 “Angel of the Lost huh? Is that why-” A bright flash outside made him leap to his feet, hand flashing to the knife on his belt quicker than he could think. Dean didn’t even try and stop him from running out of the church, knife poised to attack when he saw Sam’s wings unfurl from around someone’s body. 

 

Someone who Gabriel knew. 

 

 “Cas?” He dropped the knife.

**Author's Note:**

> Like it love it hate it hate me - come tell me on Tumblr!  
> > synergygabriel  
> > whodoesntlovesabriel


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